Welcome to Hell


I might have re-named it, had I bought the town of Hell, Michigan, as did ‘YouTuber’ Elijah Daniel, of whom I had never heard, but apparently, being a star on the Google-owned media platform can provide one with a sizeable income, enough to buy a whole five-acre village, the asking price of which was $900,000 in 2016. We know not what Mr. Elijah – whose media moniker is apparently the rather risqué ‘Lil Phag’ – actually paid for the lot.

After his purchase, the town, which had been called ‘Hell’ for obscure historical reasons, Elijah re-named ‘Gay Hell’, one supposes in an attempt at irony, and only permitted the rainbow flag to fly – in response to President Trump’s decree that rainbow flags (and all other flags) are verboten at American embassies and other official buildings, which, quite rightly, should only fly the Stars and Stripes.

It now seems Mr. Elijah has relented, but Elijah in the same vein also threatened to forbid the town to heterosexuals, so that Hell will become a place where only those of a certain sexual proclivity may dwell. Hmm.

Of course, the problem is that there is a bit too much truth in his irony, given Saint Paul’s caveat about those who knowingly persist in what is euphemistically termed ‘active homosexuality’ without repentance until one’s judgment day. Mr. Elijah, who is a legitimate citizen of Hell, still, at a mere quarter-century of age, has some time to ponder, reflect and, we may hope, repent, but that is in God’s hands.

And, speaking of God, Mr. Elijah seems aptly named for the Hieronymyic task he has taken upon himself to re-translate the Bible. His version he calls ‘The Holy Bible…but Gayer’. One might hope he means ‘happier and more felicitous’, but we may presume not. I will stick to the Vulgate, which seems less vulgar, in the current sense of that term.

All I can say – as I must say to myself also – is prepare for judgment day, Mr. Elijah, before your original namesake re-appears, in accord with Christ’s prophecy, to usher in that final apocalypse and the revealing of all of our minds, hearts and consciences. There will no hiding behind YouTube then.